What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
