Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
