If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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