i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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