i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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