Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
