is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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