it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize