it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
