dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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