he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
