he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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