wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
