I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
