May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
