Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
As shirtless as possible
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
