Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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