glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
