I want to walk on stilts...naked
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
