We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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