was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
