life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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