A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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