i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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