just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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