its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
