I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
