Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
