my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
