She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
