Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
