i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
it's like heaven, but drunker
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
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