Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I am one with the molecules
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
