even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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