hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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