just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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