I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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