he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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