so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
