Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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