remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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