I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
