This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize