so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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