Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
