Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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