I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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