Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Be still, my beating vagina.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Randomize
