I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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