just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you never un-have a 4some
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
