I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
