i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
two words: eviction party
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize