Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
