1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
