after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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