I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
