ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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