I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
