Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
