As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
