weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
