Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
