your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize