My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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