Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Randomize