I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
