I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
