just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
