I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
