can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I pour the whiskey from now on
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
