That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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