why im i the only drunk person in the library?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
