I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
