Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
