I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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