So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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