you're like a bully in the Christmas story
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
