i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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