my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
