And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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