I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
