the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
