all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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