mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize