You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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