I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
