he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize