If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
