People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
