i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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