I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
