Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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