i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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