Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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