Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
