I want to have your abortion
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
