she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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