Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
