there's paper in my vomit.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
