I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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