Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.

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(708): View more from Illinois

I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.

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(805): View more from California

I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"

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(416): View more from Ontario

dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening

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(913): View more from Kansas

Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill

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(207): View more from Maine

my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.

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(410): View more from Maryland

She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family

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(915): View more from Texas

I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.

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(254): View more from Texas

All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.

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