The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
