We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
