Where is the hickey?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
