where am i from again
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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