We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize