I want to stick my p in your. b.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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