He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
