I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
